I wish my penis had an off switch
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize