you traded sex for a burrito?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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