3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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