Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
