so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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