matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
