if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize