apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
