oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Your cock deserves a montage
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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