Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
This toilet bowl is my home.
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