i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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