somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just high enough for therapy.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize