So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
