Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
