Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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