I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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