she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
