everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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