the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
