also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
