i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
