would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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