I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
