no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
