the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
