A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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