So drunk its hurt
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize