Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
