Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My cat gives me a boner
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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