its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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