he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
