I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
