After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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