I love black thongs
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
