Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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