overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
