Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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