Can i not drive my cunt home
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
