Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
