i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
