he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
