oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
