Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
