So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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