Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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