grandma shit on top of the toilet
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
