Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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