And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
