Define "chronic" masturbator.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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