what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize