I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
