Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
