my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
