i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Pants are for mortals
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
