I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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