Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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