I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
