Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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