I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
