I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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