I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
