I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize