It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
