We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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