My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
