Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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