Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
