Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
