I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
