I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
