grandma shit on top of the toilet
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
