i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
