i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
