you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
