Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize