OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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