I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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