Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
