saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
