After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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