I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
