I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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