I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
