shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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