I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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