Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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