So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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