I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
